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Mom Burnout

9/25/2016

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Always rushing to go somewhere? Maybe you need to get that one forgotten item (birthday party, what birthday party?! this afternoon?!)? Or maybe you are picking the kids up or dropping them off! Then there is the house work! All of this can lead to mothers feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. 

I was reading a blog post about self-care suggestions for Mom burnout the other day. It gave some good suggestions, such as exercise, meditation and massage. These are all great ideas and I totally support moms doing these activities. However, as much as we all know we should do these activities they are only helpful IF we did them. The bottom line is…if we don't do these activities on a regular basis they won't be helpful. I know many moms find it challenging to have the time to do these activities regularly.

Having goals of going to the gym 5x/week or meditating for 20-30 minutes PER day or even a weekly massage, may not be happening for a lot of moms. Granted, if we analyzed our days- I’m sure we could find 30 minutes of TV watching or Facebook time that could be devoted to a walk or meditation, etc. But really, what is the likelihood that we will swap our usual activity for something else…not everyone is going to do this.

Instead, do something that will fit with what you are doing right now. If you have a nightly TV routine…meditate during the commercials. Mute the TV, and cue up the YouTube video to relaxation music or a guided visualization. Close your eyes and play it during the commercials. Or just close your eyes and take slow deep breaths while picturing a calming, peaceful scene.

Or if you want to incorporate some physical movement – then (again during the commercials) stretch your arms and legs or massage your shoulders and neck. You may eventually expand what you do if you keep at it, but don’t aim for the increase, just aim to do something during the commercials.

I’ve used the example of TV watching and commercials but this same idea works anywhere else you may have a few minutes. If you are waiting in the car to pick up the kids from after school, or even if you are sitting in a doctor or dentist waiting room for your child’s appointment. Take some deep breaths. Breathing works well in these public situations as breathing is something we all do, so no one will be looking at you wondering why you are breathing!! Also use mindfulness – pay attention to the details in the physical setting around you. Describe the paint colour or the details of a painting. This keeps you present in the moment instead of the mind whirling off to the “to do” lists, or a worry or a “what if”. 

These are just a few examples of ways to take a few self-care moments. The idea is to do something regularly. The ideas of exercise, meditation and massage all are great relaxation and coping strategies; but if they are only done sporadically they are not going to be consistently helpful. So, aiming for a simpler, smaller way to build in self-care as in the end this is more effective.

The most beneficial self-care activities are ones that are actually done regularly!

If you would like to chat about more doable ideas for self-care or ways to incorporate self-care into your life, call Heather at 604-375-3010 or email at heather@discoverycounselling.ca

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Moms, reclaim your life!

6/19/2016

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I have had the pleasure of giving talks throughout the Fraser Valley Regional Libraries to many wonderful mothers – who are all amazing and very dedicated to their families!

Here is an overview of the talk “Moms, reclaim your life!”:

Our Stories

As a mother, you tell yourselves many stories about your expectations for yourself and about others. Sometimes the stories can be helpful and other times the stories stand in the way of feeling calm and happy. Those stories are the thoughts, the beliefs, and the judgments that you take as fact. When you find that you are not coping with a situation as well are you would like, and that you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious or stressed, try asking yourself:
  • Am I stressed or overwhelmed? This part is raising awareness as to when you are starting (or in the midst) of the story about what is going on and how you are handling things.
  • What am I thinking/telling myself? These thoughts could be about yourself (I can’t handle this. I’m incompetent) or the thoughts could be about the situation or others (This is too stressful. They shouldn’t act or speak like this.)
  • Do I believe this thought to be my reality? And is it guiding my actions in a helpful way? Become aware that a thought is just a thought. It is not a fact! Since you create your thoughts, you can change those thoughts.


Act like an athlete

Mothers tend to go, go, go all day without taking any breaks! They have the goal of giving the best to their children and families. Yet by burning themselves out, mothers are not able to give and give without burning out. This is when you start to become grumpy and short-tempered and yelling at the kids. This behaviour does not seem to be on the list of goals for giving the best to your family!

The research shows that taking even small breaks can be beneficial to sustain our energy. Small or minibreaks are defined as 30 seconds to a couple of minutes. Even though this may not seem that it will be helpful, the idea is that taking these breaks more frequently (say every hour) will help renew and sustain your energy.

Some ideas to do during the microbreak is to:
  • Take 3 slow, deep breaths
  • Take your pulse for 60 seconds
  • Listen to relaxing music
  • Massage your shoulders or your scalp
  • Drink a glass of water (slowly) while sitting down
  • Slow stretching
  • Visualize a relaxing place (i.e. beach, forest)
  • Repeat a saying or mantra
  • Smell a favourite fragrance
  • Massaging hand cream slowly into your hands and forearms
Try implementing this by setting a timer on your phone, listing some ideas on a sticky note (and post where you will see it). This list is only a beginning of possibilities to renew your energy. Think about what may be relaxing for you.

Also, by doing short breaks, it is more likely to be done (which means it will be beneficial) than trying to fit in an overwhelming 20 minute meditation every morning 9
 
Although we know that exercise, sleep and nutritional eating is important for us, I think that lack of breaks is an overlooked area that can help sustain energy (and sanity!) for mothers.

Let me know how these ideas work for you and what creative ideas you have come up with!

I will have the rest of the ideas from my talk in the next blog…so stay tuned for more ideas to help handle the stress of motherhood!
 
If you would like to chat about further ways to get started with dealing with the overwhelm of motherhood or life in general, please call or email Heather at heather@discoverycounselling.ca or 604-375-3010.

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A Better Night's Sleep

5/12/2016

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Sometimes (or maybe it feels like a lot of the time) getting a good night sleep can feel like an impossibility. This can be especially true as a parent with young children.

Here are some of the classic suggestions to help you drift off to dream land:
- Regular exercise
- Limit caffeine from mid-afternoon
- Limit alcohol consumption
- Ensure room is not overly warm; a slightly cooler room can help with sleep
- Breathing – breathe in for 2; hold for a count of 1; breathe out for a count of 2; repeat.
- Focus on counting and feeling each breath.
- Visualization - remember a relaxing vacation spot or somewhere that would be relaxing
- Listen to soft, calming music
- Use relaxing fragrances - Make sleep a priority
- Aim for 7-9 hours per night – count backwards to when you need to get up to determine when you need to go to sleep
- 
Keep a regular routine of sleeping – as much as sleeping in on the weekend can feel good, it can disrupt the sleep in the long run.


While these techniques are useful, if you find that your sleep difficulties are due to the constant chatter going on in your mind - the “what ifs”, the to-do lists, regrets, or even worrying about getting enough sleep, here are a few more ideas that can help:
- 
Write out a to-do list the night before - part of the repetitiveness about these types of thoughts is that your brain is doing its job of remembering. However, that can be disruptive to sleep. Writing down any tasks, appointments, must dos for the next day will help to relax the mind and let it know it doesn’t have to work hard all night long remembering those things and waking you up to ensure that you remember.
- Writing also helps with any other thoughts you find yourself continually thinking about. Keep a notebook beside your bed, so that these can be easily written down.

If after writing it down, you find you are still having intrusive thoughts (thoughts that just won’t seem to go away), try some of these methods:
1. Visualize a container that can be tightly sealed and locked. Imagine putting all of your thoughts into the container – this is not to stuff away the thoughts or ignore them, but to place them there when it is not an appropriate time to deal with them (i.e. at 2 in the morning!). Once all the thoughts are in the container place the lid on tightly and ensure lock is closed.
2. Worry tree - imagine a large, mature tree. Picture placing your worries on this tree - the tree has become very strong over time and can hold your worries. Place a thought on each leaf or branch and let the tree take care of your thoughts for the night.
3. Put your thoughts one by one on a boat and let them sail away down the river, or place them on a cloud and watch the wind carry them away.
4. Visualize writing down your thoughts on a white board. After writing them all down, take the eraser brush and wipe them all away, knowing that they are gone and for the night, your mind is blank.

If you need something more physical to deal with the on-going thoughts, try putting them in a basket or container outside of the house. If the thoughts are related to work, keep a basket or container at work and leave the thoughts there when you leave work.

This is not an exhaustive list, but hopefully it will be a place to start to be creative in order to get more sleep.
Remember, any of these ideas mentioned above are skills learned through repetition, just like learning to drive or play a sport or musically instrument. So, try some of the different ideas and keep practicing….it can be frustrating when we don’t sleep, and are continually exhausted, and not coping to the best of our ability.

Start by having compassion for yourself and your situation, especially if you are dealing with young children who aren’t sleeping through the night yet (hint: these ideas can work for kids too!)

If you would like to solve the anxiety, overwhelm and stress that is keeping you awake at night please call Heather at 604-375-3010 or email at heather@discoverycounselling.ca

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Moms, Reclaim Your Life

1/3/2016

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Discover three easy ways to have more energy, compassion and focus for you and your family. Modern motherhood is complicated, but you can learn how to thrive, and not just survive the daily routine! You'll hear how to find the "me" inside the mom, and be the best mom you can be. This presentation includes hands-on techniques and a hand-out to take home. Presenter Heather Rattai is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with over 20 years experience helping people.

These presentations are being held at local FVRL libraries throughout the Fraser Valley:

January/February:

1) Walnut Grove  January 26 at 2 pm
2) Aldergrove  January 28 at 11:15 am
3) Tsawwassen February 2 at 2 pm
4) Pitt Meadows February 11 at 7 pm
5) Mission February 16 at 11:15 am
6) Sardis February 25 at 11:30 am

April/May:

1) Yarrow  April 19 at 11:30 am
2) Chilliwack  April 19 at 2 pm
3) Abbotsford Community  April 21 at 7 pm
4) Clearbrook  April 26 at 2 pm
5) Terry Fox  May 3 at 7 pm
6) Hope  May 5 at 11:30 am
7) Agassiz  May 5 at 2 pm
8) City of Langley  May 11 at 7 pm
9) Muriel Arnason May 18 at 7 pm



For more information on locations please contact your local FVRL library (www.fvrl.ca).

If you would like support through the maze of motherhood please call Heather Rattai at 604-375-3010 or email at heather@discoverycounselling.ca
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    I am a Registered Clinical Counsellor in BC. I work with individuals to help them get the life they truly want.

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